Ernest Hemingway:

As Ernest Hemingway once said...
'All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.'

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

a simple story about self realization

Last night, as I drank a glass (or two) of
And ate
I realized that I am such a

Not this kind

But this kind.


Thursday, May 25, 2006

bitch, whine, complain

Surgery sucks. Not being able to drive sucks. Having to sit a certain way all day so I can elevate my foot and not crush it under my desk sucks. Eating lunch in the kitchen without a TV sucks.

I'll tell ya, though, I have a new found respect for people who have major surgery. Mine was minor, but it's crazy - every day I wake up and my ankle looks different than the previous morning. There's either weird red dots, new bruises, or new swelling. As of this morning I no longer have an ankle bone that I can even make out. Gross! I can't even imagine what major surgery would be like. Take this poor baby in Africa. He's going to have to have several 'grueling' operations over the next ten years to fix his face. Something like that really helps put my little ordeal in perspective.

So, I'm going to do my best to stop feeling sorry for myself, which is stupid anyway because I was the one who decided to have this surgery. Everyone has been extremely nice and helpful, especially my saint of a husband, so there's no need to be a big baby. I'll just be glad when I can get up and walk around without feeling pain each and every time. It really makes you appreciate being a healthy person, that's for sure.

Monday, May 22, 2006

poor me

Well, Norma Jean is currently down for the count. I had surgery to remove a bunion from my right foot on Friday, and recovery sucks! The plusses are getting out of work for a few days and a prescription for percocet. The minusus are pretty obvious - limited movement for 3 days and counting, moving around only on crutches. Suck. And to think - I get to go through all of this again in 3 months! Lucky me. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband to help me through all of this. He's a saint!

Anyway, I've not been in the mood for writing, so hang tight. I'm sure all of this time stuck in the house will provide hours of entertainment in the future. Oh, and we watched a good movie - The Chumscrubber. I recommend seeing it. It's strange, and very well acted. Good combo, in my opinion. It's one of those movies no one's ever heard of, yet it has a ton of well known actors in it. I thought it was sort of a combo between Donnie Darko and American Beauty.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

blink an eye and they fly

Today marks one year exactly since Shorty died. Over my lunch break, I went to Schnucks to pick up some flowers, and ended up getting some stargazer lilies. Then I drove to the cemetery and put them on her grave. There were other flowers - some roses and daisies - as well as a little stuffed dog. It was old and raggedy. It might just be from the weather, or maybe it was something she had as a kid.

Either way, that little dog struck me. It looked sad, with huge, plastic eyes. Shorty loved dogs, so whoever put it there definitely knew that. It was almost as though it was protecting her, somehow.

There was also a new grave marker (is that even what it's called?). It was big enough for at least a couple of names, and had a vase in the center. There was a little Mizzou 'M' next to Shorty's name. That was nice, but also a little odd. I guess she was proud to go to Mizzou, but she wasn't exactly brimming over with school spirit. I'm pretty sure she never attended a sporting event, or was even interested in the school teams. None of us were, really. We were way too interested in other things.

It was weird, going to pick out flowers for a grave. I had no idea what to get. I just got what was cheap. Shorty would have been the last person to care about flowers, another reason I felt weird getting them. Being at the grave was weird, too. What do you do there? There was no one around, so I rearranged all of her flowers, and picked up some petals and whatnot that had blown around. Then I sat there for a minute or two. It was warm, and the sun felt good - a nice change from all the rain and clouds lately. It's just so awkward. People my age shouldn't have to go to the grave of a friend - we're too young for that. It did make me think of all the great afternoons we spent in the quad though, causing all kinds of trouble. We'd play cards, flirt with cute boys, talk about obscure issues, and occasionally launch water balloons at unsuspecting suckers. We'd study...wait, no. That was the other geeks.

Anyway, Shorty, I truly hope that whatever is out there for you is better than what you thought you had here. I know you suffered enough in your short life to fill at least a couple full ones. My heart can't let me believe you'd continue that suffering, no matter what anyone else believes.

stinky hippies

Does anyone watch The Amazing Race? What does 'TTAO' mean? I searched the internet, and it's not there anywhere. Any theories? With the Ts and As, it brings to mind tits and asses, but who knows...

Minor edit: I was corrected - I think it's actually TTOW. Duh me!

Second edit: TTOW yielded many more search options. Could be: That's The Only Way

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

the president is accidentally funny

The President doesn't spy on 'ordinary' people. Isn't that reassuring? I'd love to know what his definition of 'ordinary' is. I think that's the best example of politics at work that I've seen in a while. 'Ordinary' could mean just about anything. They're so darn good at double talk, it's not even funny.

Or his press secretary is, anyway. Do I think Bush could pull that one off on his own? We're talking about a guy with minimal control of the English language. Very doubtful. This makes me think of some great Bushisms, otherwise known as Bushspeak:

"I aim to be a competitive nation."

"I strongly believe what we're doing is the right thing. If I didn't believe it — I'm going to repeat what I said before — I'd pull the troops out, nor if I believed we could win, I would pull the troops out."

"If the Iranians were to have a nuclear weapon they could proliferate."

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."

"Wow! Brazil is big." —George W. Bush, after being shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005

"We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you."

"We are fully committed to working with both sides to bring the level of terror down to an acceptable level for both."

"Arbolist … Look up the word. I don't know, maybe I made it up. Anyway, it's an arbo-tree-ist, somebody who knows about trees."

Nothing like a good laugh on a rainy Tuesday afternoon. Thanks, Dubya!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

just a little bit of good ol' fashioned rivalry...

thursday ramblings

So the Great White manager got 4 years in prison for that horrible fire a few years ago. I think that sucks. It's not like he meant to kill anyone - he had done the same pyrotechnics routine at their shows for years. It just so happened that this time the place caught on fire. He was given permission to do them at this club - how was he supposed to know? He looked so distraught. It's obvious that these deaths will hang over him for his whole life - what good will prison do?

I guess I do understand it, though. People go to jail everyday for things they never meant to do - it's called manslaughter. Being reckless. It's just a shame, though. This is the type of thing that could happen to any one of us at any time. You could be in the right place at the wrong time, or the wrong place at the right time. It's scary. No one can be meticulously careful every minute of their lives. I'm sure that if this guy thought for one moment that he could end up killing all of those people, he never would have done the pyrotechnics.

My boss told me a horrible story the other day on our way to lunch. A daughter of one of his clients had a baby, and was in her bed with the baby feeding it when she fell asleep and ended up smothering the baby. I was horror struck. This is something that could happen to any new mother - you're so tired, and though you know you shouldn't fall asleep with the baby in your bed, you do it without even knowing it. So tragic. I can't even imagine such a thing, but these things happen every day. I guess it's the ability to somehow overcome that makes us stronger.

Or maybe it would make us crazy. I remember this woman - she was pretty notorious around West County Mall (I worked at Famous with my dad for a number of years). She would walk the mall endlessly, never without a huge soda of some sort. She was a large woman (very tall and overweight), with long, graying hair. She didn't usually say a word, just paced the mall over and over. My dad did tell me once that she told him she knew that aliens came overnight and refilled all of the items in the store. She really believed this. Anyway, most of the employees made fun of her. I found out later that she had been a gorgeous young woman, and was gang raped by a crowd of guys, and had never been the same since. I guess drinking soda all day while walking the mall and convincing yourself aliens manufactured the goods was her way of coping.

Are some of us stronger than others? Or do we all have our melting point? Do some of us melt before others? I think there's plenty of proof that trauma can cause a mind to turn on itself or mold itself into something able to cope with the trauma. It's actually fascinating, though very sad. Lots of people go through trauma, though. Why do some snap? Or develop multiple personalities? It's amazing how much science knows about our bodies, but how little it knows about the brain.

I'm not sure how this rambling ended up here, but oh well. Go with it.

Monday, May 08, 2006

babies, babies everywhere

I went a baby shower yesterday. I'll admit I'm not a huge fan of showers. This one was pretty much just like the rest, except the fact that it was for one of my best friends since the 4th grade. That's right, the 4th grade. That's a damn long time! We might as well be sisters. We know so much about each other, things that only sisters know - like the guy I had a major crush on in the 5th grade, or the stupidly horrible outfits I wore in junior high. Or that my favorite band in the whole world for at least three years in grade school/junior high was New Kids On The Block. These are things that we don't even make fun of each other for anymore - they're tiny forgotten things that shaped our relationship and made it what it is today.

Anyway, it's so weird that she's going to have a baby. I've moved on to the baby phase in my life. I've been through the wedding phase (though there are a few still to come), and now everyone is popping out kids. It's great, I like babies as much as the next person, but none have affected me like hers has. It's just so darn hard to imagine I'm old enough to have a baby. I know I'm physically old enough - I've been that for some time. But mentally, I guess. And economically. But when I see her and am around her, it's hard to believe we're not in high school anymore. It seems like yesterday that we were going to prom, getting our hearts broken, and partying like the wild teenagers we were.

I feel like a kid still. Am I the only one? Is there ever a time in your life when you don't? Is there a time when you settle down, and resign yourself to the fact that you're old? I hope not. I really hope to hell this doesn't change automatically with a kid, either. I mean, I'll be mature and motherly and all of that (shudder), but I still want to be a kid. I'll even take all of the unsureness about my place in life and career to feel like a kid. Really, I feel like a kid trapped in an adult's body - I have no idea what I 'should' be doing, and no motivation to do more (like school, training, etc.). I don't want that stuff. I want to relax, have fun, and take things as they come.

I guess my friend having a baby just drove the nail home that I really am old enough for this. Not that I want to run out and have a baby ASAP, not that at all. But that my friends are dropping off into parenthood and virtual adulthood right before my eyes. It's so weird. I guess I thought it was weird when friends started getting married, but I did it pretty early on, so it's odd to be on the other side of the fence - not having kids right away. This time I get to sit back and watch as the people around me hop on to their next phase, while I remain behind, still getting a good night's sleep.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Happy Cinco De Mayo! I will not be celebrating with margaritas and mexican food. I eat enough Mexican every other day of the year. Instead, I'm going to dinner with Moo. We're going to Lorenzo's Trattoria on the Hill for awesome salad and pasta, then are off to the Fox to see Hairspray. Moo got free tickets from work in the third row - pretty cool. I've only seen the movie, and it was a very long time ago, so I'm looking forward to the performance. I just have to stay away from alcohol, as it will only make me fall asleep, which I'm sure wouldn't be appreciated.

Drink a margarita for me everyone!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

cry me a river

Bill Gates wishes he wasn't the richest person in the world. He's worth around $50 billion - yes, billion. At one point he was worth $99 billion. I can't even fathom a million, much less a billion. It's insane. It actually makes my head hurt (or maybe that's just the pollen).

I can't stand it when people say they wouldn't want to be rich, that being rich doesn't equal happiness. That may be true (sometimes), but I'd be willing to bet there are plenty of rich people who are also happy, and not in that I-have-a-huge-car-and-house type of way. Truly happy. I'm thinking that if a million dollars suddenly appeared in my savings account I'd be pretty ecstatic. I wouldn't worry about all my friends/relatives begging for money. I don't hang out with that type of person.

I'm just saying it'd give me a ton of free time to decide what I really want to do with my life. I'd have that freedom. How could it be a bad thing? Even if it just padded my retirement, that'd be a huge weight off of my shoulders.

Bill, if you don't want to be rich, you could toss a mil my way. In fact, you could probably give everyone in America a mil and still be rich. Problem solved!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

on my last nerve

Whoop-de-do, the American Idols are coming to St. Louis on 8/13. It doesn't say how much tickets are, but I'm sure they'll be like $50. I think that's standard fare for the Savvis Center.

Holy crap, I can't imagine a more horrific event. First of all, I think it's ten of the losers from this season. Their last stab at fame and fortune, I guess. Why would you pay $50 when you just spent like six months watching them on TV every week only to lose?

Why is that show on for so long, anyway? It's torture, having to come to work every week and listen to nothing but Idol chat. 'Who do you want to win?' 'Oh, I don't know, I really like Bucky (what a ridiculous name), but Ace is great too (yet another ridiculous name). Paris really rocked that song, though (need I say it again?).' Mind you, I have not seen one episode of this crap, yet I know all of their names. That's how much of this stupidity I have to be subjected to each and every week.

I quit watching Fox 2 news in the morning partly because of their coverage of this train wreck. Really, does the news need to cover this? What about the crisis in Darfur? Why, when there are so many awful things happening in the world, are they reporting on American Idol? Not to blame Fox, by the way. None of the media outlets seem to care about Africa at all. The other stations don't rehash their own shows to death, though. It's painful.

Monday, May 01, 2006

meat free weekend

So far so good. I didn't eat any meat at all over the weekend. I even went to a bbq. I brought along some really good veggie sausages - italian flavored. Yummy.

I'm currently undertaking a new project - putting together two lists - one of restaurants in the area that use meat purchased from local farmers, and the other of meat markets/farmers markets/health stores that sell meat from local farmers. It's not easy. I thought there'd be tons of info on the internet regarding this type of thing, but no such luck. I know they're out there, it's just going to take time. Fortunately for me, that's something I have plenty of at work, so yay - something to fill the days!

Our last kickball games were on Sunday. I'm definitely disappointed. They almost got rained out. We played in a little bit of rain, but the hardest part of the day was the mud. I almost did the splitz running to second, because one foot stayed on the base and the other slid in the mud on the other side. Ouch. I also slid into base a couple of times - this is much easier to do when it's wet. Normally I wouldn't consider sliding. I needed to get a little bit (well, a lot) dirty - my new team shirt was definitely too clean. I do get to play on Saturday in the all-star game, and might (fingers crossed!) get to play in the tournament on Sunday. One of my best friends is having a baby shower that day, so I have to be there at least for a little bit of it. If my team makes it past the first two rounds (of course they will), then I can play after that. Last year we didn't do so good (I had to miss the damn thing last year too!). May is such a busy month.