I went a baby shower yesterday. I'll admit I'm not a huge fan of showers. This one was pretty much just like the rest, except the fact that it was for one of my best friends since the 4th grade. That's right, the 4th grade. That's a damn long time! We might as well be sisters. We know so much about each other, things that only sisters know - like the guy I had a major crush on in the 5th grade, or the stupidly horrible outfits I wore in junior high. Or that my favorite band in the whole world for at least three years in grade school/junior high was New Kids On The Block. These are things that we don't even make fun of each other for anymore - they're tiny forgotten things that shaped our relationship and made it what it is today.
Anyway, it's so weird that she's going to have a baby. I've moved on to the baby phase in my life. I've been through the wedding phase (though there are a few still to come), and now everyone is popping out kids. It's great, I like babies as much as the next person, but none have affected me like hers has. It's just so darn hard to imagine I'm old enough to have a baby. I know I'm physically old enough - I've been that for some time. But mentally, I guess. And economically. But when I see her and am around her, it's hard to believe we're not in high school anymore. It seems like yesterday that we were going to prom, getting our hearts broken, and partying like the wild teenagers we were.
I feel like a kid still. Am I the only one? Is there ever a time in your life when you don't? Is there a time when you settle down, and resign yourself to the fact that you're old? I hope not. I really hope to hell this doesn't change automatically with a kid, either. I mean, I'll be mature and motherly and all of that (shudder), but I still want to be a kid. I'll even take all of the unsureness about my place in life and career to feel like a kid. Really, I feel like a kid trapped in an adult's body - I have no idea what I 'should' be doing, and no motivation to do more (like school, training, etc.). I don't want that stuff. I want to relax, have fun, and take things as they come.
I guess my friend having a baby just drove the nail home that I really am old enough for this. Not that I want to run out and have a baby ASAP, not that at all. But that my friends are dropping off into parenthood and virtual adulthood right before my eyes. It's so weird. I guess I thought it was weird when friends started getting married, but I did it pretty early on, so it's odd to be on the other side of the fence - not having kids right away. This time I get to sit back and watch as the people around me hop on to their next phase, while I remain behind, still getting a good night's sleep.