Ernest Hemingway:

As Ernest Hemingway once said...
'All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.'

Thursday, December 28, 2006

no more Queen references

So, it turns out my best friend in the whole world is pregnant. Pregnant! And another one bites the dust. Another one crosses over to the dark side. I'm beginning to dread seeing friends. It seems like every time I get together with someone they tell me they're pregnant. I guess I'm probably going to be in this pattern for the long haul.

Every time I hear those two words it reminds me that I've yet to pop one out. I've yet to decide whether I even want one or not. I've yet to come to terms with the fact that I'm old enough/mature enough to have/handle a child. It's a scary thought!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

my gluttonous post-Christmas rant

Q and I watched 'An Inconvenient Truth' last night narrated by the one, the only Al Gore. Who, by the way, has gotten rather large in the past few years. Wow.

Anyway, I enjoyed it. I usually enjoy documentaries, just like I enjoy nonfiction. I'm a believer in the world being much crazier on its own than anything we can make up.

A few criticisms:
1. I could have done without the Al Gore interjections. What does his run for presidency have to do with global warming? Why do I need to see him stroll through the post 9/11 airport security? I highly doubt he goes through like a normal American, anyway. I thought the material was good enough on its own. I didn't need Al's political opinions thrown in.

2. There's a part where he discusses the melting of Antarctica and Greenland. Very interesting, though I wasn't really surprised Florida, Manhattan and San Francisco would one day be underwater (that is if San Fran doesn't break off during an earthquake, right?). I've heard that before. What I wanted to know is how much the ocean levels in those areas have risen in the past few years. That wasn't ever addressed. Al even went so far as to discuss how much of Antarctica has melted already (the Larsen ice shelf) but never showed how/if this has affected these areas. I'm just curious.

Honestly, I think the thing that struck me the most was seeing how far behind the US is when it comes to reducing our effect on the planet. It's downright shameful. It's not as if we're not leading the way in being environmentally friendly. We're so far behind other countries. How is it that we're so darn great that we can go and take over other countries to make them more like us and 'free' them but we can't even figure out how to reduce our emissions?

In my opinion we have no right being anywhere else until we can blaze ahead of the rest and prove that we have something to offer other countries. When we're the ones lagging so far behind it's just ridiculous. I'm not saying we went into Iraq to help them be more environmentally friendly. I just think we have to have all our eggs in order in the basket before we go around 'helping' others.

I honestly hope more people see this video. I think we're so focused on ourselves, on making money at any cost that we don't even take a minute to think of how we could help the environment - how we could help anything outside our own lives. This country is so wrapped up with big oil that though we have the technology and the ability to make better cars and have cleaner industry we don't do it. It's scary.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


So much to say, so little time. I suppose that's the story of the holidays.

So for now I'll leave you with this bit o' creepiness:

It's none other than Suri Cruise. The background picture is supposedly from some clean air proposition ad - the site claims the baby looks like Suri. Interesting, but beside the point.

Is that a goofy looking kid or what?

Friday, December 15, 2006

the girly doctor

Yesterday afternoon I paid $10 to have a cold, metal appliance shoved up my, well, girl parts, and get felt up by a man who wasn't my husband.

That's right, it was time for my annual visit to the OBGYN. It's always the same thing - chat with the doctor, get checked out, get prescription, leave as fast as possible. Only this time it started off all wrong. The nurse came in, weighed me (ack), took my blood pressure, then left me to undress (bottoms only) and wrap myself in a paper sheet. Not too difficult. For normal folks, that is.

Apparently I wasn't able to master the sheet. It's long, so I attempted to fold it in half before wrapping it, noticing it barely came all the way around. This caused me to hold on tight while maneuvering myself onto the table, which caused the sheet to rip right by my ass. Nice. I got up, refolded, and did the same thing, causing it to rip again. What the fuck? The thing seemed to be a hundred years old, basically disintegrating into dust before my very eyes. Who do they make those things for? I'm relatively thin, and if I'm having trouble, what happens to the larger gals? It's crazy.

I finally realize this stupid sheet isn't going to work. I need a new one, and pronto. I frantically search every drawer and cabinet in the room while my bare ass is hanging out for anyone who might walk into the room at any time, aka the male doctor. There are no sheets. Finally I locate a new, unopened box on the floor. Do I open it? Hell yes. I got out my keys, opened that sucker, and grabbed a new sheet asap. I chucked the other one in the trash can and managed to successfully wrap the new sheet around me and get onto the table sans mishap.

Of course by this time I'm sweating in my thick sweater and panting. Great. Luckily it was a few minutes before he actually made it into the room. Whew. Crisis averted.

He decided to put me on a different pill when I described the horrible moodiness that takes over my body lately during that special time of the month. I mean it's bad. I really feel sorry for the people in my life during that week. So he writes a new prescription and sends me on my way with a bag of samples of the new pill. I'm sure there's not a generic for this one yet, so I'll have to pay more than usual, which makes the samples especially helpful.

I peeked in the bag once in my car and noticed 3 months worth of samples as well as a nice little cosmetics-type bag (unfortunately with the name of the pill all over it, rendering it unusable). The bag had a month of pills plus a condom (?) and a lip gloss (?). Lots of scenarios ran through my head at that time, none of which made the least bit of sense. I let it go. Who can't use a spare condom and lip gloss?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

why to not buy new furniture at xmas time

It was probably a bad thing for us to buy new furniture in the first place, much less during the holidays. Seriously, all I want to do is go home, get into my PJs, and lounge on the couch. I don't want to wrap presents, and certainly don't want to brave the crowds to shop for presents still needing to be bought.

I don't want to cook, or clean house, or walk the poor hound. No laundry, Christmas cards, or yardwork of any kind. It's so sad. I just want to sink into the comfy, soft, warm, cushy new couch and watch movies. I do these things, but regretfully, as they're keeping me from my new digs.

Why do I continue to send Christmas cards every year? I think they're the thing I dread most about the season. I wait and wait, dreading the thought, then finally break down and do them. They usually end up taking no time at all. And I'm not a procrastinator. That's how much I dread them. Hardley any of my friends do them. I hope, hope they're a dying tradition. Wouldn't Thanksgiving cards make more sense? Letting friends/family know you are thankful that they're in your life? Then you can get them done and out of the way before the big holiday rush starts.

Do they even make Thanksgiving cards? If so, I'm all about that next year. Get ready.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

nauesa on a tuesday

Maybe it's because I think I'm getting sick, but everything that comes out of everyone's mouth today at the office makes me want to gag. It's repulsive. Does anyone else ever have these days? Why oh why can't I have an office with a door???

Especially the turd who asks 'How we doin' today?' That drives me totally insane. I'm surprised he asks me that anymore, since I can't seem to control the look of revulsion on my face. You'd think he'd get the hint eventually. The best thing he ever said to me was when I was wearing my surgical shoe. He asked 'When you get her off?' Her. It's a fucking shoe, not a girl. And it's held together with velcro. 'She' can come off anytime, asshat.

I'll stop now before I make a total bitch of myself. Probably too late.

Friday, December 08, 2006

silly popos...

We had a big old party at work last night for our clients. It's basically a holiday party, but we don't call it that. Wouldn't want to offend anyone who doesn't like holidays. Anyway, it was a blast. One client brought in home brewed beer - and it was awesome. He had a spiced wheat, which I've never tried. Yummy.

So I was out to lunch with my friend who is 8 months pregnant today (also a co-worker) and she said when she was out talking to the cops (we have to have cops direct traffic because it gets so crazy) one of them made mention of her pregnancy. He gave her his phone number, and told her to call him when she goes into labor so he could deliver her baby. In all seriousness. He said he wants to see life brought into this world because he's seen so many taken away.

Is that strange or what? Mind you, he's not a doctor. He's a cop. And a Creve Coeur cop at that - really, how much death has he seen in Creve Coeur? Nice, suburban Creve Coeur? She thought it was funny. It was, a little, but way creepier than funny. Yes, Mr. PoPo, I'd love it if you delivered my baby. Hospital? Doctor? Nah, who needs that? The back of a cop car would do just fine. Thank you for asking.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma

What is the point of having gas appliances if they require electricity to work???

We were only out of power for 18 hours or so, unlike last time. But I feel lucky - there are still people out now. That just plain sucks. At least there's not so much worry about food going bad when it's so cold outside. Only hypothermia.