Ernest Hemingway:

As Ernest Hemingway once said...
'All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.'

Thursday, February 28, 2008

simply staggering

This report says that at least 1% of US adults are incarcerated, the highest number ever. Wow. That's eye-opening.

But even scarier is the fact that the 50 states spent $49 billion - yes, BILLION - on corrections last year.

Scariest of all, that $49 billion is six times greater - yes, SIX - than what was spent on higher education.

I picture those two stats skipping hand in hand, down the well-worn path of American mediocrity. When will The Man get a clue?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

snake eats family dog as kids watch

In Australia an 18 foot python ate a chihuahua at a family's home. Apparently it had been stalking the dog for days, and had even been in the dog's bed.

I know Australia is 'the ouback' and all, and there are apparently wild creatures everywhere, but seriously. If I knew an 18 foot python was stalking my hound, I probably wouldn't let her out of my sight. In fact, I'd probably barricade us all in the house until someone could come and remove the seriously huge thing (which was done, by the way, after it ate the dog).

Obviously it was an outside dog, as it had a bed outside near the snake. That's great. But don't claim to be horrified when the snake eats your annoying little yappy dog (who could blame it, really) after STALKING IT FOR 3 DAYS. Don't act all surprised.

Outside dog + 18 foot python on the hunt = bring the dog inside and alert authorities.

It's not rocket science.

Nice picture, by the way, AP. Mmmmmm, delicious.

Monday, February 18, 2008

cletus the fetus

Today I took my 12 year old 'little brother' out for lunch since he was off school (but I'm not off work - boo). After I dropped him off I told him the news - that I'm having a baby in August (y'all knew that by now, right? All 3 of my readers?).

His first response: 'What?'

I repeated myself.

His second response: 'Are you kidding?'

I laughed.

His third response: 'So I'm gonna have a little sister too?'

I told him yes, or maybe a little brother, we don't know yet.

He was so excited! I walked him to the door because he had leftovers and couldn't hold it all, and it was the first thing he said to his Granny - 'Hey Granny - I'm gonna be a big brother!'

What a cutie.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Australia apologizes to Aborigines

Too little too late, but at least it's something. Perhaps the US of A should take a page from their book.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

yay for google

I love search engines and web trackers. They're an endless source of entertainment. Here's some of the latest ways folks have ended up on my blog via search engines:

ameren ue sucks
velcro shoe poor people
ikea caskets
miley cyrus in st. louis throwing up
kathleen england sucks

and possibly the best of all time:
pictures of vaginas throwing up

Not sure that one can be topped, but seems like I'm surprised every time I check this. So who knows. There's surely an endless amount of morons out there.

Monday, February 04, 2008

it's finally over

So the dreaded day is finally over - I went on Saturday to see the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus 3D movie, 'The Best of Both Worlds' with my 'little' bro. To sum things up - it most certainly is not the best of both worlds, or any world, for that matter.

Miley Cyrus is a cute girl, she's got a good voice, and I believe she even writes some, if not all, of her own music. And she's 15 - that's something to be able to perform in front of a massive crowd at that age. And her music isn't that bad. It isn't that good, but hey, even I liked crap as a young tot - NKOTB, anyone? I was slightly obsessed. Props to my parents for suffering through a concert with me and my dorky big-button wearing friends.

Anyway, I know she lip synched, at least part of the time. I was so bored I actually paid attention. I get that if you're dancing a lot, it's hard to sing. No big deal. Plenty of performers do that. I know she can sing. The most hilarious part was the Jonas Brothers. They might play instruments in real life, and on the album and whatnot, but they totally didn't play them in concert. At one point one of the kids is strumming away on the guitar then stops, hands it to some joe from offstage, and starts singing and dancing, yet the guitar playing doesn't stop. It doesn't take a detective. Then another time the camera pans to one of them playing the piano, and literally, his hands are resting on the keys - not moving at all. Miraculously, however, the piano keeps on playing.

And the clothes. Man, do kids really dress like that? If I had severe amnesia, and this movie was the first thing I saw, I'd think we were back in the heyday of the 80s. Acid wash jeans, black high tops (like Reeboks), leggings, hot pink everywhere - frightening. I swear, the Jonas Brothers were wearing leggings made to look like jeans, that's how tight they were. I get the tight-ish jeans thing with All Stars, but seriously, I could see the outline of their thighs. No, not their thingys - get your head out of the gutter. I did look, though, because theoretically they should have been there. GROSS. And again, I was unbelievably bored.

The 3D was evident, it was kind of neat, but overall a waste of 3D technology. There were previews of 2 3D movies before it started, and those short previews were way cooler than the entire Hannah Montana 3D concert experience.

The kids did seem to like it, and my bro certainly did. He made me listen to the Disney Channel on AM on the car ride to and from the mills, and believe me, I was on teenie-bopper overload. As soon as he got out of the car I felt the urge to listen to something extremely heavy and screamy IE Dimmu Borgir - alas all I had was Dustin Kensrue's solo album (from Thrice), which sufficed as it's a great album.

Now I have 'The Best of Both Worlds' song in my head. Not good. Feeling the urge to strangle myself. Once, fine. Repeatedly, very bad, especially when the only words I know are 'The Best of Both Worlds'. Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh.